The flow of existence is a wonder and beauty I can not express. To finally see through the dark cloud of fear is quite a revelation. My experience of an easy free breath is always within my reach. It was a long hard fought war and I feel victorious. The weight of the pain and longing has been lifted. My seeking has slowed, the constant efforting has subsided. What this means to me is without measure. I had many doubts that I could achieve my dream, but I pursued it without relenting. My every move was dedicated to achieving awakeness. I had no options left on the table. There was not other path to take. My choice seemed simple, to search after the end of suffering. It is an open and clear place where everything is connected. Love flows freely from the heartspace and opens the channels of relationship. Stillness is a surprise in contrast to the fast, chaotic experience of everyday mind. The shift brings slow silence. I believe it will take some practice getting use to the lack of burden that I am so use to. I spent so much energy avoiding my painful thinking. I almost don’t know what to do with the extra mindspace. I am trying to enjoy my new found freedom. There is still a worry that it could some how slip away, but for now is seems consistent and reliable. What should a person so who has gotten so use to a heavy blanket of pain and an inexhaustible hunger to make it end? To obtain the freedom you could only hope was possible is a stopping without sound. The old sound of your endless noisy mind, the constant sound of fear and discontent. The ending of the pain in the physical body is another shift. The constriction in your muscles, tightness in the chest and neck, the sickness in the stomach from incessant worry all lessened if not vanished. The tension that fear creates in the body is intense and overwhelming. There is a change in vision. The world becomes clear, it is like you couldn’t see and then everything comes into focus. It seems when you are lost in your worried mind you are using your mind sight and are not truly looking at the reality of you present surroundings. Once in a cage of longing and craving then in fulfilled unity. From running in a maze to seeing a clear path. It is a full body experience, a total emptying of restricted misery. A movement, a song of grace, a glorious dance of love. It could not be stopped, it was always the forward plan. When you are challenged you find a way. When doors close you are pushed to find another. All of my struggles were a gateway to my freedom. Never would I find myself here if things had been easy. The hard road has been my savior.
Published by One True Breath
I am a wife, mother and a pediatric occupational therapist for almost 20 years. My great hope is that this blog will be a guide for anyone seeking refuge from life's difficulties. It is a distillation of my life experience, profession and whole hearted search for peace. I wish you a wonderful and joyful journey! View all posts by One True Breath