Happy Without Hesitation

I will not be chased down by a negative inner voice telling me I’m not good enough anymore. It seems we evolved to have this critical voice to survive, but now in this fast paced modern world we are on a dead run away from rapid incessant messages. A message inside that we are not ok and we should do something to change and improve ourselves. To be a harder worker, to be a better partner or parent, whatever. This voice make us feel unsteady and unsafe. It is exhausting and we just want out. We try to control everything, stop delegating and attempt to be the whole village, only relying on ourselves. Like the old saying goes “If you want something done right you got to do it yourself.” We believe if something ever happened to us the world would possibly stop turning. We are worn out and unsure how we will continue on if something doesn’t give. For me mindful breathing practice and investigation into my inner landscape changed everything. It stopped the constant familiar old habit of being lost in my ruminating mind. The old worn out habit of being in a fog of discomfort and worry. I remember thinking that if I couldn’t find a way to stop it I would end up being a little old lady in a rocking chair still afraid to live. I just wanted a single moment of freedom. I thought that would be enough to carry me through. Now, looking forward I am hopeful to live a fully engaged life without droning along on autopilot waiting for the pain to pass. I am experiencing a connectivity to myself and others that I could only have wished for. The barrier of dread has lessened and opened me to a life truly lived. A freedom to express myself and be authentic. No longer with a put on smile with fear hiding behind it. I am happy and without hesitation!

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