A Movement of Soul

A movement of soul, a destiny it seems? Looking back it all adds up to the shift. The suffering, the sacrifice, the joys and successes, the tragedy, the beauty it was all for this present peaceful now. I could have never fathomed this eventual gift. I sought and strived I persisted and kept on. A mystery the answer to be found? How could it be a truth for me, an ordinary person? I believe it may have been the extra struggle of mental health that I just had to be released from. It pushed me to want nothing other than and open clear moment. I remember thinking, I could live if only I could experience one moment, one breath without the heavy weight of fear. It consumed my life, I needed a respite. After sometime it was a constant push to move toward awakeness. I devoured book after book and countless audio programs attempting to intellectualize the teachings. It was only through dedicated and brave investigation that I began to make ground. My first glimpse was three years ago and it has been an opening and closing, an on and then off kind of process. Now things have opened quite strikingly. There is more consistency and an ability to reorient into awake stillness. I am curious about where this will lead, a fascinating turn for me. A wonder of humanity, a gift we all contain if we can only still our heart to listen. Beauty and love overflowing, connecting us all in a fabric. I am in awe of this exquisite unseen plan. Almost humorous, as it is unseen yet so close to us the whole time. I looked everywhere, a game of hide and seek and it is right inside just waiting quietly. How can it be just stopping the effort and movement is the way? To cease to run, to turn and face it, a surrendering, to stay still. What is that moment when your breathe and it comes alive? What is the process of this immeasurable change in perspective? A wonder of being that one could be in a smoke of confusion bogged down by the heaviness and then in the next moment everything becomes so clear and spacious? A loving beauty, expansive and timeless, a peace without barrier. How is this an experience for me, but it is and I am so wordlessly grateful!

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