If the bittersweet sensation of longing, grief mixed with love is a sensation that you find yourself in a battle with, I hope this passage gives you some respite. In my own experience I have had things happen that broke my heart, that I just so longed for not to be true. I began to have a realization, that it caused almost a constant argument within my body. A place where I would ruminate about how I could somehow shift or totally eliminate the hurt and longing that resided there. I have practiced investigating emotion and how it presents, but in all honesty it took me a moment of striking realization. That I was continually on the run from this difficult, painful emotional truth. One day on my trail I was practicing finding stillness and respite. I again found myself in grief and had been experiencing this sensation for quite sometime. In a moment, I came to a stopping and a radical acceptance that I would never be capable of ever erasing the longing for my mother. It was an overwhelmingly powerful moment that changed everything for me. In that space, I understood that my emotions were what they were and simply ok. That my body would always tell the truth and I should bravely rest with whatever was present. It created a feeling of stopping, of ceasing the inner friction to somehow just feel all better. To stop attempting to be the first person in history to just erase grief or make it vanish somehow. Accepting my longing gave me my strength and power back. The longing and struggle was lessened and I felt like I could finally rest and enjoy the beauty that remained in my life without a barriers of grief to shadow my view. The great effort I was placing into changing my true emotion was causing me immense strife and grasping. The quieting of this relentless pain was so freeing and the fact that I didn’t need to erase it to have a happy life opened my heart. I felt firm ground and it created a space where once there was friction and now more peace. A more fertile ground for respite and ease of being. The truth of emotion in the body was a powerful tool for my healing. Quiet the body, breath bravely and investigate your repetitive thoughts and how they present. This practice gave me my ability to have enjoyment and a view of my beautiful family, that I absolutely know my mother would insist that I have! She was a strong lady and would have it no other way!
Published by One True Breath
I am a wife, mother and a pediatric occupational therapist for almost 20 years. My great hope is that this blog will be a guide for anyone seeking refuge from life's difficulties. It is a distillation of my life experience, profession and whole hearted search for peace. I wish you a wonderful and joyful journey! View all posts by One True Breath