You know the feeling of being around a person that when they walk away you just feel so much better or you have a sensation of wholeness from within? Unfortunately, then there is the situation where there is the direct opposite and a person sends you down the negative emotional spiral into feelings of friction, judgment or a sensation that you are lacking.. Does your relationship feel like a sanctuary or is it you being marginalized? Does this person fill the cup of your heart or drain you of your beauty? This is the fuel of the heart and is just as important as taking sustaining nourishment. Ask yourself, are you a member of the Starving Hearts? If being in the presence of another leaves you feeling depleted, the forward idea is to repair this relationship or if necessary limit your time spent with them. Your honesty about what you will need to move forward is a healing path for all involved. The truth is in these imbalanced relationships, nobody gains, especially the oppressor. They continue their finite ways of consuming others beauty to prop up their void. If allowed to continue they will remain the lesser version of themselves. The hopeful idea is that if you find the strength to ask for what you require and they do truly have love for you there will be restoration. This person may have just been using inefficient coping mechanisms from damaged past relationships. It’s possible they may not have even known how their behavior was affecting others. The hope is that they will have a reflection of how their habits have short changed all involved. Otherwise, if there was not a true foundation of love and they only feel challenged or put out, they will be required to move away from this relationship. Either way you will move forward with more energy and beauty to share with others who will reciprocate your kindness and giving. Love and sharing are a fusion and sustain themselves infinitely. Cruelty is so finite and requires constant dwindling feeding. A one sided relationship has less than zero benefit, it is a negative ledger leaving you with a depleted body. The question is especially right now, how much extra energy do any of us have to give without sharing? If your heart is already in the red, taking care of your inner resources is all the more crucial. Sacrificing everything you contain for the fleeting comfort of someone else is not fair and its simply unsustainable. Your futile attempt to pacify an insatiable other will fail. It’s drain has a crushing pace and overtime leads to your feelings of decreased value or being less important. We all contain equal value given to us by our birth, no one’s comfort is to be prioritized over another! We may believe that if we shower another with kindness we can change them or we may contain a deep sense that they are a deeply loving person that has so much more potential. There may also be an undercurrent of us being supportive to keep the peace. That if we live on marbles, we will somehow prevent their unpredictability, conflict or stressful encounters. Then one day we look up to catch our breath and realize we have preserved nothing for ourselves and have nothing left to give. That we have been utilizing our own ineffective coping strategies, learned in our own past in an attempt to remain comfortable. We teach others how to treat us and they get very comfortable with our iron lung giving. We all take the path of least resistance, but in reality it puts us all on fumes. The easy way of remaining in dysfunction is inverted and a broken culturally built construct. In the end everyone must work to regulate their own system, you cannot provide shelter for them from themselves indefinitely. There will be no growth for anyone and quite possibly there will be a regression of beauty overtime. A constant stream of reactivity, followed by you scrambling to pick up the pieces. Bitterness, resentment and cold anger may be the result of sustaining these imbalanced exchanges. Sharing that of course you are willing to give it all to preserve the relationship, but that it must be restorative and filled with reciprocal loving presence. If you calm your own body, work on increasing your resiliency and repairing your sense of inner wealth, you will have a stronger platform with which to make these difficult requests. The benefit for all, is that it will lead to increasing your ability to sustain caring for everyone in your life. You have carried the burden and without it on your back you most likely could stroll to the summit. Honestly, look at the amount of support you have provided without the other giving back! Imagine, what you would be capable of if provided with even a bit of comfort and shelter. In truth, life is made up of moments and each and every time you can move towards satiating drops of beauty it increases overall satisfaction. Loving, balanced relationships require patience and understanding and will never be perfect. Though if based on a mutual agreement to support the others heart, they can be a refuge or a home for healing, restoration and unconditional loving support. An infinite expansion and hearth for you and all of your deserving loved ones to prosper and rest their weary hearts.
Published by One True Breath
I am a wife, mother and a pediatric occupational therapist for almost 20 years. My great hope is that this blog will be a guide for anyone seeking refuge from life's difficulties. It is a distillation of my life experience, profession and whole hearted search for peace. I wish you a wonderful and joyful journey! View all posts by One True Breath