I have been wondering for quite sometime if all of the current increasing mental health issues with anxiety and depression aren’t just the healthiest, most sensitive and aware hearts, that sense that their society is not well. The inverted value structure makes no sense and the medications are provided to help assist them to tolerate others and the culture where their environments do not provide positive regard and dignity. They subconsciously are affected by the confusing and nonsensical situation in which they must proceed and function within. Kind and healthy individuals and culture must be cultivated. If unbalanced structures are left unquestioned and are perpetuated, they will continue to create more disease and more children who will either become new anxious givers or more controlling users. In the short term insisting on healing environments filled with space for security, hope and respite will be a necessity. For healing can never occur within the same environment within which the pain was absorbed. If their environment remains unchanged they will stay locked in a survival holding pattern. Remaining in a state of hyper-vigilance until they are provided a space to take a breath and work on resilience building. If not they will have less possibility of exploring or releasing stored up trauma, pain and perpetual fear. If society as a whole, as well as within family structures continue to normalize no positive regard as acceptable, good enough, better than they had it or somehow deserved based on a nonsensical hierarchy, we will continue to see the decline in mental health function. Positive regard should be seen as an absolute requirement. Then individuals and their children would not have to restore themselves to provide homes for their eventual children filled with security, joy, love, stability and a space that would only make sense to a baby who’s sole reason for being born was to be loved. Historically, it is known that some individuals have no desire to provide secure living environments and purposefully manipulate emotions within the homes to maintain insatiable and unpredictable compliance. Children in these homes learn self abandonment directly from these relationships to cope, survive and keep the peace as best as they can muster. Other families have parents who came from homes with these origins that have not been addressed or even discussed with the children. They are products of unstable and threatening environments, but were trained to never talk of it and keep it very hidden away. These families are loving, but unfortunately remain filled with the residual coping mechanisms from the past. There is anxiety, massive self doubt and it is then propagated to children whom have no understanding of why they feel the way they do? These family structures are based on hyper-vigilance and constant uneasiness, where their is never time prioritized for restoration, self regulation, resilience building, ease or self kindness. I believe these families love their children and the children know this, but what they don’t see is parents loving themselves and so they never learn to love and value themselves as a result either. I imagine the powerful catalyst within these families if the giving individuals reserved even a small window to time and spend it on themselves, with a child or sharing with a vulnerable friend or family member. They could even bank this energy to preserve and restore the exhausted vessel they have become from generations of this insatiable coping mechanism. I’ve always understood that joy, gratitude and happiness were powerful, but I never realized that to make it work, reciprocation and shared experience and an opportunity to see your own reflection of kindness would be required. Lots of the time these relationships that seem very much expected are one sided, that it may not be actually loving or supportive, but a system that has been run on self doubt and not true kindness, but fear and not true comforting but compliance. Resist situations where you are the wheel greaser and they provide the sandpaper. I can’t imagine the combined energy of the coalescing of people sharing joy, gratitude, positivity and non-judgment. I feel currently the kind are more vulnerable than ever within this top down system of culture where their subconscious mechanisms are known how to function and then exploited. Their fears of perpetual uneasiness and worry of disapproval are purposely played on. It has been propagated that others have more voice, rights and access to dignity based on inverted values and programming the belief because of gender, race, socioeconomic status, health, age, etc they don’t deserve access to equality and equity. These messages run so deep within the subconscious that you may not even realize you hold them and agree to them, especially if you are the person who is negatively impacted by them the most. The kind are minimized further every time they receive no reflection and after awhile addiction to pleasing the insatiable system of relationships based solely on currency, down spirals like any addiction making it harder and harder to see your true value and that your are locked in a system of dwindling returns. This trains the next generation to continue to remain hopeful that if you give enough kindness and love, they will eventually change and begin to validate you. However, ask yourself how hard it has been to transform yourself and you contain the motivation and desire internally. Now stop and realize how you have absolutely no chance of changing someone else who lacks any understanding that there is even an issue? To move forward be very aware of your inner drives when around others and don’t spend endless time serving them just because of shame, vulnerability, social anxiety or environment maintaining. This change can not happen just from the top down. You can not just tell people to be empowered, they have to experience it first hand directly within their own lives. A government that prioritizes equality and equity is a great start, but all change is grassroots. I believe these roots grow directly within each individuals heart and then radiate out into their family and community. A person to person ripple of shared resilience, empowerment and ease of being. To realize your immense value it can never be told to you, you simply must embody it and it needs to be a lived experience. The kind must move away from the constant pressure of pleasing and take an unencumbered breath. They are up against an inverted system as old as time and the kind are tired. They literally carry themselves and others who are ungrateful or take them for granted, without ever taking respite or receiving recognition or reflection. This propagated style of culture now being purposely manipulated to increase a sense of lacking is causing further chaos. Life is always full of difficulty and you certainly don’t need individuals directly sandpapering your day or a structure from the top down who study your fears to in-sight more stress intentionally. To interrupt these cultural patterns, shifting environmental factors including minimizing cruel or disrespectful individuals, absorbing purposefully addictive media etc. will be required. Society can only shift if the youth are immersed in environments where the kind demonstrate the value of their giving hearts through self kindness, environments where they are provided space where being taught self awareness and how environments very quickly shift our mood and sense of security, as well as being provided spaces where awareness of practices and tools are trained to increase ease, well-being and satiating meaning are prioritized. The status quo in the past may have been tolerable and seen as just how life was or expected to be without questioning it. Now, the pressure that is building will make this less possible, extreme difficulty requires adaption to continue to prosper. Fortunately, all of the methods and tools are available and quickly gaining steam out of absolute necessity. This restructuring of culture is what will create a sustainable and meaningful future and what all of our previous generations fought and sacrificed everything for. They could’t see it, but I believe they sensed it and reached out into to unknown everyday in a search to build it for us and our children. Our decisions now will be their continued legacy and our decedents inheritance.
Published by One True Breath
I am a wife, mother and a pediatric occupational therapist for almost 20 years. My great hope is that this blog will be a guide for anyone seeking refuge from life's difficulties. It is a distillation of my life experience, profession and whole hearted search for peace. I wish you a wonderful and joyful journey! View all posts by One True Breath