Long ago one courageous leap away from an all too familiar home. Sailing on the current with an endless horizon into the great mystery unknown. To take the breath and then to soar, the resolution to move forward seemed easier than to remain motionless living in a story untold. A wonder from within, the quiet pull the voice that just has always been. To reside in a confusion without hope of freedom just wasn’t within my options, so I listened deeply to the source of surrender and began over and over again. Once a heart like solid ore, now fluid and open. Before no sensation, now beats to the music of the timeless dimension. The beauty and the peace I now contain, are only the reflection of the suffering encountered along my lone climb to the summit. To have been turned into ashes and to be left without form, to rest in despair a place beyond previously held knowns. The only rule that remained was to be fearless and encounter the heavy truth of what I so wanted to escape from. Then in a moment cracked the wall of fear into a recognition of loving forgiveness. An understanding of broken souls, all just in one longing unison. Now to walk forward with no expectations, into a new day without long held limitations. From constriction, to a sensation of the stillness of a long lost wondertime reclaimed. The eyes are always the witness to a souls journey, unchangeable and forever ageless. To have the realization that your true nature is yours, unbroken and divinely given. The sky is wide within this new found view of a once misconceived and uncharted liberation.
The new and evolving concept of the energy take back is not about recovering time and energy that was already expended. It’s about shifting long held inefficient coping habit energy, to preserve, restore and gate keep future resources. Often because of formative environments stirred with cultural beliefs, we may have had to learn hyper-independence, stoicism and self abandonment. Being a constant source, makes having balance difficult overtime as your ability to muster begins to lessen. Learning to recognize this imbalance you may be living with and accepting as just a part of typical relationships or just historically very much expected, will need to be a large part of your energy re-patterning. The gap is widening in this modern setting with working mothers, the rapidly increasing pace of society and the massive pressures from the pandemic. If you are very independent and have little external supports, it is all the more important to learn to spend some time engaging in mind space and time for your own energy preservation and restoration. Multi-tasking is a misnomer and has been found to not really be possible. All you are doing is switching focus rapidly between many demands simultaneously and it is exhausting. In most instances this imbalance may not be recognized and has just been passed down through generations and others do not intentionally take you for granted. You may even sometimes refuse help when offered due to your sensation of not wanting to burden others. This energy habit is unsustainable, inefficient and causes various stress related health conditions. Once you have the recognition that you may be living in this fashion, there are many strategies that can be utilized to shift back into a space of health to better serve you and everyone in your life more efficiently. Listen to your inner messages, set boundaries and never say yes to extras when you don’t feel like you have the energy to follow through. If your tank is already diminished saying no is a must. Shift away from those who you feel have consistently taken the life out of your life. If your interactions have left you feeling powerless, depleted and losing vitality limit further time spent. Learn to deeply listen to your body and avoid all sources that bring out immediate reactive strain on your body. If your stomach is tense and your heart rate begins to increase this is flight and is signaling an inefficient environmental factor. Shifting speech to positive content is also very powerful. Often we criticize those who have harmed us. This habit means that they are still draining your tank even when not in your presence. It’s not that you don’t feel hurt, it is that repeating the hurt perpetuates the energy drain from it. It is just another form of gossip, which is never satiating for very long, gives a momentary blip in energy and has a fleeting nature to it anyway. Another form of draining speech is negative self talk. Self criticism is a no way! Reality check yourself, you are kind, loving and giving. You have no reason to trash yourself whatsoever! You are wiring your brain with messages of unworthiness and self doubt. These messages your brain receives in repetition are what it continues to believe and further continues to send painful messages from your thinking into your body. Override and shift speech to highlighting gratitude and the beauty that resides within you and others. Talk about planning joyful activities or reminiscing about fond memories or nostalgic times that made you feel whole and authentic. Expanding the positive content in your life is a restorative method and restructures your neuro-pathways away from previous repetitive coping habits. Avoid spaces that require you to manufacture a persona or polish up your mask to feel worthy. A place where you are using inner energy to imagine what others will find acceptable. This is you creating an image based on value judgments that in reality don’t contain true satiating wealth anyway. When utilizing media, purposefully shift your algorithm to healing and restorative topics. Change your feed into containing messages that un-brainwash you away from constant inverted beliefs about value. Repetition of messages is imperative to rewire generations of inverted values about true wealth, meaning and purpose. Using time to look at restorative hobbies like art, music, gardening, pets, cooking, crafting, natural spaces, literature, mindfulness, meditation, ease of being, nostalgia or anything that you have found enjoyment from or have always wanted to look further into but just couldn’t find the time. Your media time can be propagating the habits that are making you depleted and unsatisfied and shifting it to healing and restorative visual content is a powerful method to build positivity and hopefulness. Ultimately, your freedom resides on the other side of your fear. Putting down and rewiring old repetitive habits that are life long, that are deep trenches in your brain, that have increased or propagated your anxiety or discomfort is a requirement. These patterns of behavior were always attempts to find ease and relief and if they were ever going to be successful they would have worked by now. They have only deepened the pathways of anxiety and avoidance and addictive patterns. Excavating and restructuring energy to get a more easeful base, provides a more open place for engaging with long held difficult emotions. Reclaim your power, you are courageous and your beautiful energy is yours and your children’s. You are under absolutely no obligation to give it to anyone else, who does not reflect this same level of kindness back to you. Be brave to be your authentic and autonomous self. Trust yourself and take a little leap. You have carried a mountain and must reflect deeply on your true strength to always keep on walking, while carrying so much burden. Find comfort in knowing that you are not walking alone, it just may be that the other healing travelers and companions are just a bit farther ahead on the trail or maybe just a bit behind. I believe we will all come together and coalesce! This restructuring is just getting started and it will take time to rebuild and gather your people. Move towards conversations and time with those who have always left you feeling inspired, feeling like your true self, who gave you a sense of ease and who brought out the very best pieces within you! Enjoy your new journey, it is one of joy, happiness, freedom and feeling enough. The life you so deserve and have always been reaching towards! Now, the rule is just be yourself and stop always doing. You are a human being and not a human doing!
I believe there is a large silent kind who have always served everyone, did everything right and yet are riddled with self doubt, worry and fear about being judged and being vulnerable. In contrast there is a structure of the cruel who really have only ever served themselves and yet have absolutely no self reflection that they should even doubt themselves at all. The kind will have to come to the realization that if reflected upon further, they have nothing to be criticized for. If someone were to judge or criticize them for their socioeconomic status, gender, age, mental health or anything of stigma, that these are things that have absolutely nothing to do with the measure of their true value at all! Also, what has the structure of cruelty or anyone who wields it and is self-serving done to deserve the right to pass judgment on another person anyway? Have these individuals who place so much value on status, power, control, shame and emotional currency stealing, ever added anything of value to you or your loved ones or your communities existences? Or have they actually been aloud to perpetuate and infringe greatly upon your autonomy, freedom, sense of self worth, dignity and sense of a right to be deserving of positive regard. How much energy have you spent worrying about these shallow opinions exposing your fear of being seen as lesser? How much energy do you have left for this insatiable, devastating and dwindling system of hate? Save every drop, you have more than earned the right. Don’t even think they lay awake worried or caring about what you think? Why continue to drain yourself for an element that propagates stigma based on a completely inverted measurements of value. What more do you have or are you willing to loose? Save your thoughts, time, conversations, energy, placating words, ego massaging and fabricated agreements with gossip involving judgment and devaluing others. Investigate the pull to overshare, minimize your time and emotional content, continue to be yourself and be polite, but decrease or avoid these poison interactions. Move away from the pull towards those who you deeply sense do not regard your value and the constant drive to drain yourself to make them like or appreciate you. This is a trauma response passed down through generations of vulnerable people and not true relationship at all, but a one sided emotional currency larceny. It may feel like a familiar coping strategy to expend time and resources on pleasing the unpleaseable. Your inner sense of security will never be satiated with these type of personalities. Realize and override your fears and see them as nonsensical, with no true basis and only ever an endless futile pull. Worry so much more about what you think of yourself? Reflect on all of the reasons that add up to making you valuable, lovable, worthy, beneficial and deserving of dignity. This is the real truth, but I know it is very hard to see or truly embody within this current culture. I believe it is true that everyone has been given equal value from their birth, however I know that the current age old social structure absorbs the ability to see the reality about who holds the true wealth. Most of the kindest, loving and giving people I know all share the same trait of complete self abandonment. They have an insatiable need to serve, perfectionism to an exhausting level, self criticism and judgement, devaluing themselves, minimizing what they contain, so as to be less threatening. They never honor anything they might feel or need to be comfortable, suppressing authentic feelings and being completely unable to feel vulnerable or have a voice and stand up for themselves. To begin to practice overriding these life long coping mechanisms, increasing awareness of how your (neuroception) or true feelings actually present as is required? You are habituated to suppress these discomforts to avoid painful situations of conflict. Investigate your interoceptive sensations of emotion, when you feel fearful notice what you are doing or thinking and what or whom causes this pain? You might see that you have a pattern or are repeating the same habits, with never seeing a shift towards ease or your discomfort level ever fading. In my experience we ignore these inner signals and fabricate emotions to maintain social order with hopes of ease. We abandon our truths, placate, exaggerate traits, transfer our own positive traits, create entire conversations or polish up realities to entertain the cruel person’s high level of emotional needs. We paint the Sistine Chapel to continue this compliance. Notice your lack of ease and openness within the exchanges, your instinct tells you something is uneasy and it all ways has been. If you leave an interaction feeling like you just pushed an emotional bolder up a mountain or have an emotional hangover, stop. That is not true love or kindness, that is manipulation and compliance. You and your families emotional autonomy will depend on you moving quietly away from draining your currency and closer to your authenticity and honoring you needs. Shielding yourself from tank drainers gives you energy and efficiency, that you at first may not even know what to do with? You will be shocked at how much time and worry you spent on these futile relationships and social hierarchies. You will also end the time following these interactions, where you have to decompress, recover and restore balance from the emotional down spiral they trigger, that always brings out the worst in you. You might also see this shift lessening of other unhealthy coping strategies that are increased when these individuals turn the heat up on your self doubt. This new found mind space and energy conservation is time for you and your loved ones to preserve and restore. Fill it will beautiful things you actually love doing for you. Art, pets, nature, music and a bit of time to continue your practice of breathing and learning to reengage with the truth of your inner sensations of emotion. This awareness overtime increases and will give you more understanding of how you may have always abandoned yourself and completely suppressed difficult emotions and persisted in the need to be liked. Don’t waste your true emotion on false relationships, don’t worry about loosing people, be way more concerned about loosing yourself constantly attempting to please people. The uneasiness you have always felt was never about you, it was always about them. Honor your own truth and create boundaries and stop meeting the needs of undeserving others. Absorbing their pain is way more costly than you know and it is making you sick. It seems that keeping the peace for them helps to keep it for you, but it actually is creating a constant war within yourself. End toxic positivity and smiling when someone has only ever hurt you and in truth most likely has never really even liked you at all. These people have never done a thing to deserve a single drop of energy from your beautiful heart. This propagated system has created what I call the”The Starving Hearts” phenomenon. This hungry ghost mechanism will sit at the buffet of your beauty forever and starve. They will never be satiated, no matter how much you attempt to abandon yourself. You can’t get them to be happy by giving them more of what they already don’t appreciate. To end this depleting and completely exhausting pattern, share time with these other starving hearts and enjoy true communion, friendships and authentic loving presence. A beautiful society can not prosper until love coalesces and our children are cultivated within an environment that their loving hearts were born to grow and prosper within.
I have been wondering for quite sometime if all of the current increasing mental health issues with anxiety and depression aren’t just the healthiest, most sensitive and aware hearts, that sense that their society is not well. The inverted value structure makes no sense and the medications are provided to help assist them to tolerate others and the culture where their environments do not provide positive regard and dignity. They subconsciously are affected by the confusing and nonsensical situation in which they must proceed and function within. Kind and healthy individuals and culture must be cultivated. If unbalanced structures are left unquestioned and are perpetuated, they will continue to create more disease and more children who will either become new anxious givers or more controlling users. In the short term insisting on healing environments filled with space for security, hope and respite will be a necessity. For healing can never occur within the same environment within which the pain was absorbed. If their environment remains unchanged they will stay locked in a survival holding pattern. Remaining in a state of hyper-vigilance until they are provided a space to take a breath and work on resilience building. If not they will have less possibility of exploring or releasing stored up trauma, pain and perpetual fear. If society as a whole, as well as within family structures continue to normalize no positive regard as acceptable, good enough, better than they had it or somehow deserved based on a nonsensical hierarchy, we will continue to see the decline in mental health function. Positive regard should be seen as an absolute requirement. Then individuals and their children would not have to restore themselves to provide homes for their eventual children filled with security, joy, love, stability and a space that would only make sense to a baby who’s sole reason for being born was to be loved. Historically, it is known that some individuals have no desire to provide secure living environments and purposefully manipulate emotions within the homes to maintain insatiable and unpredictable compliance. Children in these homes learn self abandonment directly from these relationships to cope, survive and keep the peace as best as they can muster. Other families have parents who came from homes with these origins that have not been addressed or even discussed with the children. They are products of unstable and threatening environments, but were trained to never talk of it and keep it very hidden away. These families are loving, but unfortunately remain filled with the residual coping mechanisms from the past. There is anxiety, massive self doubt and it is then propagated to children whom have no understanding of why they feel the way they do? These family structures are based on hyper-vigilance and constant uneasiness, where their is never time prioritized for restoration, self regulation, resilience building, ease or self kindness. I believe these families love their children and the children know this, but what they don’t see is parents loving themselves and so they never learn to love and value themselves as a result either. I imagine the powerful catalyst within these families if the giving individuals reserved even a small window to time and spend it on themselves, with a child or sharing with a vulnerable friend or family member. They could even bank this energy to preserve and restore the exhausted vessel they have become from generations of this insatiable coping mechanism. I’ve always understood that joy, gratitude and happiness were powerful, but I never realized that to make it work, reciprocation and shared experience and an opportunity to see your own reflection of kindness would be required. Lots of the time these relationships that seem very much expected are one sided, that it may not be actually loving or supportive, but a system that has been run on self doubt and not true kindness, but fear and not true comforting but compliance. Resist situations where you are the wheel greaser and they provide the sandpaper. I can’t imagine the combined energy of the coalescing of people sharing joy, gratitude, positivity and non-judgment. I feel currently the kind are more vulnerable than ever within this top down system of culture where their subconscious mechanisms are known how to function and then exploited. Their fears of perpetual uneasiness and worry of disapproval are purposely played on. It has been propagated that others have more voice, rights and access to dignity based on inverted values and programming the belief because of gender, race, socioeconomic status, health, age, etc they don’t deserve access to equality and equity. These messages run so deep within the subconscious that you may not even realize you hold them and agree to them, especially if you are the person who is negatively impacted by them the most. The kind are minimized further every time they receive no reflection and after awhile addiction to pleasing the insatiable system of relationships based solely on currency, down spirals like any addiction making it harder and harder to see your true value and that your are locked in a system of dwindling returns. This trains the next generation to continue to remain hopeful that if you give enough kindness and love, they will eventually change and begin to validate you. However, ask yourself how hard it has been to transform yourself and you contain the motivation and desire internally. Now stop and realize how you have absolutely no chance of changing someone else who lacks any understanding that there is even an issue? To move forward be very aware of your inner drives when around others and don’t spend endless time serving them just because of shame, vulnerability, social anxiety or environment maintaining. This change can not happen just from the top down. You can not just tell people to be empowered, they have to experience it first hand directly within their own lives. A government that prioritizes equality and equity is a great start, but all change is grassroots. I believe these roots grow directly within each individuals heart and then radiate out into their family and community. A person to person ripple of shared resilience, empowerment and ease of being. To realize your immense value it can never be told to you, you simply must embody it and it needs to be a lived experience. The kind must move away from the constant pressure of pleasing and take an unencumbered breath. They are up against an inverted system as old as time and the kind are tired. They literally carry themselves and others who are ungrateful or take them for granted, without ever taking respite or receiving recognition or reflection. This propagated style of culture now being purposely manipulated to increase a sense of lacking is causing further chaos. Life is always full of difficulty and you certainly don’t need individuals directly sandpapering your day or a structure from the top down who study your fears to in-sighting more stress intentionally. To interrupt these cultural patterns, shifting environmental factors including minimizing cruel or disrespectful individuals, absorbing purposefully addictive media etc. will be required. Society can only shift if the youth are immersed in environments where the kind demonstrate the value of their giving hearts through self kindness, environments where they are provided space where being taught self awareness and how environments very quickly shift our mood and sense of security, as well as being provided spaces where awareness of practices and tools are trained to increase ease, well-being and satiating meaning are prioritized. The status quo in the past may have been tolerable and seen as just how life was or expected to be without questioning it. Now, the pressure that is building will make this less possible, extreme difficulty requires adaption to continue to prosper. Fortunately, all of the methods and tools are available and quickly gaining steam out of absolute necessity. This restructuring of culture is what will create a sustainable and meaningful future and what all of our previous generations fought and sacrificed everything for. They could’t see it, but I believe they sensed it and reached out into to unknown everyday in a search to build it for us and our children. Our decisions now will be their continued legacy and our decedents inheritance.
We all know that evolution has always been survival of the fittest. We have been so successful that there are 8.5 billion humans and we will most likely reach 10 billion. The question is now, how to we learn to recognize how are continued insatiable drive to survive and gather resources is driving us to a planetary crisis. To be a sustainable civilization the deep realization of the basic and persistent drive to consume will be crucial. I believe one of the major factors we are dealing with is purposeful manipulation of our survival mechanism. Since 1997 economists have used the term attention economy. So for almost 25 years they have been studying and using our best and brightest in think tanks to brainstorm how to purposely figure out how to absorb the rest of our available attention for profit with no regard for well being or sustainability. They manipulate the subconscious which is 30,000 times more powerful than the conscious. It is based on purposefully increasing fear to increase consumption. This greed driven system to me is basically glorified drug dealing with the goal of racing to consume this Earth at the fastest rate possible for no other reason but insatiable greed and money hording. These media outlets care very little about our politics, religion or the Constitution, their passion, dedication and religion is capitalism. They use our dopamine reward system to control and addict us and our children. They use human psychology to understand these drives and poke our subconscious creating uneasiness and a sense of not enough. They play on our children’s desires for fitting into social structure and sell them influencers who have glorified money, external beauty and chaotic relationships as a desirable lifestyle. These influencers have actually been studied and found to benefit narcissistic personality types because they are masters at manipulation at any cost with the sole purpose of getting attention and to create disorder and nothing of real value. This is purposeful brainwashing and is making them believe it is an actual life goal to be rich and famous, lacking all satiating substance and purely feeding addictive tendencies. Technology and media are very difficult to pull ourselves away from because they are manufactured to provide immediate and fleeting reward from our dopamine system. This crave like any drug is never satisfied because there is never any measurable meaning, restoration or sense of enough. We are all aware they listen to our conversations and then algorithm our phones feed to put up advertisements, products, subscriptions, etc. to keep us powerless to put our phones down. They are people who are hording billions of dollars, while we are all in tens of thousands of dollars in credit card debt. This is a bought and sold system where greed and cruelty insight fear in the masses to consume more of anything, substances, media, goods and attention. Their top down insatiability and control of power and money is actually driving the kind to consume as well, playing on their anxiety to be liked and to be seen as perfect, so they will not be shamed or to avoid vulnerability. It is a basic control style relationship and to get out of it, you will be required to shift your environmental factors to minimize contact with the constant messages that continue to propagate systems of worth based on othering and ugly old inverted value systems that propagate division. If this pattern, habit, or construct goes unchecked and unrecognized by the society, becoming sustainable will be impossible. Life is hard enough and when the beauty of the earth is depleted, the collective longing will be devastating. Sustainability requires unity, meaning and satisfaction. The media is not going to share with you the tools to feel satisfaction, meaning, purpose, ease of being, restoration, respite and peace. In occupational therapy it is the very foundation that you need occupation and a meaningful activity to feel satisfaction and that movement is the key to ease and regulation. So obviously sitting for hours a day without actual productivity or tension decreasing movement is not what humans were born for. You will be required to plant these seeds in your own consciousnesses by shifting habits and increasing your awareness of the inverted value system that intentionally benefits from you feeling depleted, discontent, unsatisfied and threatened. To recognize that division creates friction to consume resources based on primitive tribalism. Equality needs to be seen as an absolute requirement for the continuation of all species. A home where all voices are equal, cruelty is seen and then diminished. A home where values are based on kindness, joy, positive relationships, creation and purposeful occupation. Oppression and suppression are finite and meaningful freedom is exponential and potent. Creative solutions arise from liberating and sharing all perspectives and not the continued one note of the top 1%.
The system of individuals using power and fear to control the kind and giving is just as much of a top down issue as it is directly within personal relationships. The mechanism of basically bullying has glorified monetary wealth and maintaining control and is a structure as old at time. Purposely continuing to withhold autonomy from people using stigma and judgement of value and propagating these messages about worth that are not reality, but roles that have been agreed upon to maintain power. I believe it is completely inverted with the value of the controller completely inflated and the value of the giver purposely erased. Now after hundreds of generations of this mechanism being propagated, people with zilch substance have the beauty pinned. Who were the individuals who truly built this nation with their constant efforts with little or no representation of the values they held being heard or represented? Who benefited from the status quo, where people were made to believe they had no control over their own destinies.The system is full of dog eat dog greed and the way I see it this system continuing to be glorified is the reason the Earth will be consumed at the fasted rate possible. Realistically if every person continues to be shown that the value of being rich or famous is the goal, how would 8 billion people find resources to support their insatiable consumption? The goal seems now to be a race to becoming the world’s first trillionaire. Does this world benefit from having a trillionaire, when children are not able to have their basic pyramid of needs met? I believe this is such an empty way of living, filled with fear of lacking and an insatiable desire to consume with no real finish line or satisfaction. To me a person who spends 5 minutes uninterrupted truly loving and supporting a child contains more true wealth. For the world to prosper, the people who contain the true value of loving presence need to take time to be kind to themselves. To begin to ignore the messages and lies that for whatever inverted reason they are seen as second class citizens and have less value and deserve less positive regard and dignity. Their children need to be immersed in a value system that makes sense to their little loving hearts. I am an adult and I am confused by how this diseased value system has been propagated for so long myself? I can’t imagine how a pure hearted child must view and feel about things as they appear right now. Living in a structure based on nothing of true value, only currency, status, power, control, continuation of fear, manipulation of source, consumption and selfishness. Watching kind people suffering, while the cruel seem to have so much material wealth and then having a sense that they will also have to participate in that worthless program to find their own happiness. Manipulation has been used to keep good people afraid of advocating for dignity or fearful of not providing a constant accessible source for people who benefit very comfortably from this meaningless and destructive structure. I believe quietly removing your energy from anyone or any system that uses you without regard or recognition and then to use the banked energy for self kindness. Or a time to reflect your own self kindness to your children or another person who is vulnerable to this crushing plaque of users. Showing your next generation environments filled with positive regard and self kindness. I think this system has been propagated by the kind having the fatal flaw of always wanting to see the good in others. They don’t contain these ugly drives and so they have no reference point for why or how others would choose to benefit from living off the backs of others. It seems that this has been used against them, as they have continued to sacrifice themselves from the inability to say something cruel even if it is true or the fact that they have been trained not be vulnerable and push back for fear of the cruel using shame and manipulation to maintain compliance. So this system is a loose loose, the cruel aren’t happy because only loving interactions are satiating to humans and the kind aren’t happy because they are completely drained, especially now because of this historic pandemic. The realization that there are others who could care less if you are happy or prosperous is a reality that must come to light. They only care if you are compliant and willing to continue to lie about your true needs and emotions. They would be more than happy for you to stuff every bit of your needs. They want an unlimited supply from you, but will begrudge you every drop of requirement you may have from them. They count on your strength being sapped, so they don’t have to provide you with respect, generosity, positive regard, equity or equality. This system needs to use you, yet it feels no obligation to love and care about you. Waiting around for this mechanism to volunteer to act with loving values is unrealistic and foolish. Truthfully no one can give you your freedom, but it seems they sure can keep it from you. They have no interest in handing you the keys to your autonomy and use your fear to keep you locked until your source can no longer serve them. Look how long good people have been waiting in compliance. Has that done anything for you and your children or the world they are entering? The path forward for empowerment of the kind and beautiful is to prioritize self kindness and not self sacrifice. This keeps you empty and unable to show your children how important reciprocal loving relationships are for the future of a sustainable planet. This generational pattern is propagated forward by new children being raised in environments where they are immersed in user versus taker structures. The cruel aren’t born that way they are trained by watching others use it successfully to get what they want and so they just repeat it and then their children repeat it and on down the line. To me America is just one glorified co-dependent relationship based on hate filled takers and crushed down givers. Cruelty equals rapid meaningless consumption and kindness creates meaningful, satiating sustainability.
Being a constant pleaser, giver, supporter or doormat without a limit is a recipe for disaster. It seems prosocial and if only surrounded by other giving people this tendency might not be such a problem, however for whatever reason these personality types are like magnets for people who contain no boundaries for taking. You will spend every drop trying to kill them with kindness, but you will only find they will kill you with taking it. You might sit hoping for a reflection of appreciation or some validation of your worth, but it will never arrive. The rule is that you can only ever control yourself and your tendencies. If you crush yourself with a smile on your face, no one will ever know how difficult it actually is. Assumptions are made, truths of emotions are hidden in an effort to keep the comfort of others and it is a vicious cycle. I am an unfortunate witness to the devastating effects of this style of coping in my own life. Kindness without self-kindness kills in this inverted system. Some feel entitled to spend your currency based on old antiquated constructs of who is seen as more valuable within society. They will never voluntarily stop because they see no problem. Why would they, nobody ever says no to a free lunch. In your life you can work to stop this unbalanced cycle by participating in restorative tasks. The solution within these relationships is going gray rock for awhile, while you reestablish boundaries for yourself. Its a practice to stop your complete addiction to comforting others and to shield yourself from the constant pull of their emotional needs. To investigate what it is about you that feels so driven to please a person who can never be pleased and lives life based on a complete addiction to a continual stream of problems and discord. These people are not you, they do not lay awake at night searching for solutions to help others have more ease, they lay awake searching for problems to your solutions. Make people stop assuming you are an endless well of energy that they can have an all access pass to and consume you at their will. Don’t set aside time for you, set aside time for them. A clear demarcation line or boundary of when you are available. To overcome this imbalance, first calm the body from the constant anxious high wire act. Listen deeply to your own emotions, if something is constantly pulling you forward to interject comforting words, advice, gifts, or service, stop, breath, stay silent and still. Go for a walk, leave the room, bite your tongue and mind your own business. It will take a great deal of cognitive override not to jump right up and save the day, as you have done this your entire life and people are use to you doing so. If you don’t, the people you constantly assist never learn to find solutions and stand on their own and you won’t have a second to come up for air and take time to find solutions to you own needs. Another benefit is that these individuals may begin to have a reflection of the energy you were giving and gain a reference point of how much they should have appreciated the weight you carried. In a larger scale, the massive pressures of the pandemic and difficult political cycle have ripped the mask of this nonsensical order within our country. Now the people you support have larger problems and in turn you have to carry the pressure of their larger problems, not to mention how you have personally been affected without time prioritized for your own restoration. Now we can see very clearly that some people don’t contain the ability to care about others. This just is and it is propagated down to the next generation through maintaining compliant and attachment controlling styles of relationships within homes. Love is true relationship, not compliance. You are not an object to be controlled, owned, manipulated, disregarded, unappreciated, undervalued, or assumed. Whatever is fed survives, what ever is starved dies. Feed kindness, cut off cruelty. How do you imaging kindness will ever thrive if it is being drained into an insatiable useless black hole. This pattern of relationship continually steals self esteem, self worth and the sensation of deserved basic decency to maintain control and compliance. Ask yourself, how do you ever expect to be happy and autonomous if your happiness hinges on not only carrying someone who does not support you, has zero interest in assisting you and quite possibly may actually function from an interest of keeping you submitted. Continual propping up of a value system with absolutely no true meaningful value what so ever will not end well. Its a system of devalue, its an insatiable drain and I believe that these personality styles are the reason for our inverted and unequal society as well. At it’s base are individuals who produce and at the top are the people who consume others to maintain power and control. They keep you down with a knee on your back with fear and manipulation that robs self worth and value. You do have the power to invert this structure and are not destined to remain burdened. To do so, I believe you should give where your appreciated, listen to your inner voice of emotion, teach children that kindness is a high value commodity to be used wisely. That is how this system works. Self-kindness needs to be held up on a pedestal as the ultimate prize. Seen as desirable, meaningful and satisfying, so that some will move towards adopting giving instead of taking and society will follow suit. Kindness must be cultivated, the practice of planting the seeds so that everyone has enough love to thrive in a joyful, equal, restorative and hopeful world, will require each individual to prioritize it within the moments of their everyday lives. The way I see it, being kind is a strength that gives everything away and manages to somehow keep walking and taking is a weakness that never truly ever takes a step on it’s own.
A prosperous time when we all can gather together again. A dawn filled with joyful hearts and a depth of love never before felt. A potent place where no longer remains the lesser option to ever take a single moment for granted. The gathering of worn souls, so powerful a catalyst. The pressure brought no other option but to break from the known linear walk, to a flowing dance amongst the loving hearts. The removal of respite cracked the soul into seeing. The heart in a bleak space, no choice but to courageously leap. To love and to have been apart with the privilege to meet again. My eyes full of wonder of the tapestry we will weave. Shimmering threads woven to capture our interconnected breath of relief. A collective embrace will ripple outward on the wind, my heart is expanding with this triumphant generational vision. A hopeful renaissance from the bottled energy of suffering, chaos and disorder. From the grief and the heartbreak, to a new found peaceful clarity. An unstoppable mission to mend our hearts and share our limitless love forward. A morning filled with the joy of heart stirring prosperity.
Efficiency of the body and it’s energy is vital for well-being and longevity. Rushing around with the mind in a whirl is taxing and creates injuries, accidents and cumulative stress illness. Muscle strain and body tension builds, especially in the upper back, neck and face. If we stop and complete a check in, we may find that our eyes are tired, ears are ringing, teeth are clenched, tongue is tense and our head is leaning forward and out of balance. When shoulders are rounded the chest is tight, the lungs are limited, the breath is shallow and the nervous system reacts accordingly. We become overstimulated and reactive, which eventually leads to burnout. Inversely, to maintain a noble chin, tall back, shoulder blades back, ribs up posture, frees up the diaphragm and assists the nervous system in observing confidence and strength. Posture has been found to influence sense of self, mood, stress tolerance and vitality. Breath is life and slowing down to complete simple activities can be preventative and restorative practices. To increase and improve awareness of our rate and accuracy of movement enhances energy consumption. Mindful walking when shopping or from place to place at work can reset the system for increased focus, ease, enjoyment and efficiency. Completing cleaning, laundry folding or dishes mindfully and accurately is another way to rest and restore, while simultaneously making order and receiving the reward of accomplishment. Brief moments of quiet, with no sound, eyes closed and releasing tension in the face and neck can also help to reset the body from racing to calm resting. Grounding the body into the room and away from mind grinding thinking improves energy efficiency and clarity. Body scans, tensing and releasing muscle constriction, specifically in the neck and face improves mood and emotional awareness. If you find you are living like you are on a train with no eventual station or have a sense that a happier more ease-full moment only exists within your future somewhere? Shifting to a body tall posture, as well as increasing awareness of rate of movement can both be powerful practices. Creating a place where, when you slow and quiet you will see your potential and insights have more of an opportunity to flow. A making of space for clarity, order, efficiency, enjoyment and appreciation. A moment by moment of soaking it all in to truly embody your beautifully abundant life.
If it seems a lot of people rely on you, your longevity is going to depend on finding balance. You may look out and realize that currently you are attempting to use all of your energy to regulate your environment. You may be attempting to keep order and comfort others as a extension of your own inability to tolerate distress in yourself and therefore in the others around you. You can teach co-regulation that eventually should lead to self-regulation, but be mindful not to be creating co-dependent situations that interfere with the autonomy of all involved. To begin, become more aware of your own inner signals of overwhelm or exhaustion. You may have set the stage for others to only be considering what they need in order to be comfortable, with minimal awareness of the idea that you require preservation and restoration as well. If at first you are unable to ask for help, at least ask for time. You will have to take back slowly your time and energy and reduce your constant involvement with every drop of the environmental concerns and demands within your home. If you don’t have access to help and are caring for others on your own, it is all the more important to model and teach your children effective strategies of self regulation to deal with challenging emotions. You are their living example, demonstrating life skills of respite including art, music, nature walking, gardening, mindful activities, reading or activities that are satiating and calming will be very crucial. Technology is addictive, insatiable and dysregulating, quiet appreciation of beauty is a sanctuary that can be carried throughout their lifetimes. If you have any sense that you would like something to be different, you will be required to make space for it to unfold or become. If you currently have no room available or are continuously distracted it can never manifest. Don’t feel guilty for spending time to care for yourself, everyone involved benefits from you preserving or restoring your system. You must demand your time as having equal value, if you don’t you are teaching others that either they will become someone who gives every drop to satiate others or even worse a person who believes they are entitled to take every drop from someone else. Respite is not a window of time that should be filled with more strain or striving to your system. It is creating an empty space to fill in with restoration and sanctuary. Open empty time is not valued by this culture and has created a situation where their is no room at all for the sensation of enough or wholeness. The fleeting feeling of reaching forward, with limited resources to do so is what we are left with. I believe strongly that in the beginning even taking a 15 minute window can become exponential. Overtime, the realization of how powerful these brief moments can be in preventing or maintaining stress illness will become evident. Practicing well being and ease is not something to begin after all your ducks are in a row. Well being is done first, so that your ducks actually have any chance of getting into a row. Make open space for your vision of what your satisfying future looks like and then rest in the now to make it come to fruition. Your energy is a powerhouse of endurance, that with small windows of reorganizing awareness can become efficient and so potent.